The First Rule of Fight Club
by freudwithwings
Summary: During their weekly Skype chats, Jackson's stories involve howling at the moon from the top of Big Ben. Somehow, they're still way less interesting than Danny's updates on life in Beacon Hills.
1. Chapter 1

During their weekly Skype chats, Jackson's stories involve howling at the moon from the top of Big Ben. Somehow, they're _still_ way less interesting than Danny's updates on life in Beacon Hills.

-x-

"No, you don't get it. Living in Beacon Hills is like not being invited to join fight club. I mean, you're not supposed to know about fight club unless you're in fight club, and you're not supposed to talk about fight club if you're not in fight club. And if you overhear people who are in fight club talking loudly and in great detail about fight club, then you have to pretend not to have any idea what they're talking about even though they're obviously talking about fight club."

"You're not missing much. Fight club involves a lot of unnecessary backflips from a bunch of losers trying way too hard to look cooler than they really are. There's a reason I moved to a different continent."

"But it also involves a lot of dying. I thought not being in fight club might protect me from the near death experiences but this is the third time I've been in hospital in the past two years, and I was definitely poisoned. And if they think I didn't overhear them talking about wolfsbane, then they are even dumber than I thought."

"Well, they _are _pretty dumb. Wait - wolfsbane? When was this? You didn't tell me about this."

"Yes, I did. I skyped you from the hospital. Three times."

"Oh, right. Then. Wait - you were _poisoned?_"

"I told you this three times. It was poison, because I definitely do not make a habit of snacking on wolfsbane of my own free will. Not in this town. Here's a question: Is Stiles in fight club yet?"

"Stilinski? Well, he did help Scott kidnap me."

"Yeah, but how much does he know? Because I caught him going through my stuff while I was in the hospital, so he's definitely trying to find out more about all this stuff. Maybe Scott's trying to keep him out of the loop, too? Because I'm almost certain Stiles isn't actually a werewolf, last I checked."

"I have no idea. They never told me anything, even after the whole lizard thing."

"And yet everyone knows, anyway. I _think_ the only other person who's as out of the loop as I am is Jared."

"Who?"

"You know. Greenberg?"

"Oh. I thought for sure he'd have been killed off by now."

"_Exactly._"

-x-

"I am _never_ throwing another party in this town again."

"Let me guess. Got crashed by wolves?"

"Yeah. Kind of. I mean, I expected them to show up, since it was at Derek's loft and -"

"Wait, remind me: How do you know Derek?"

"I don't. I do know who he is, though. Remember how he was always lurking at the side of the lacrosse field during practise? Back when everyone actually showed up for practise, I mean. I know he's _definitely _in fight club."

"Back up. No one's showing up for lacrosse practise anymore? Wow, that town has really gone to the dogs."

"_Yes. _That is the problem."

"Do they remember that we have a title to defend?"

"I… don't think they care anymore?"

"Figures. So how did the party end up in his loft, then?"

"Oh, it was Ethan's idea. He _said_ that Derek was out of town, which turned out to be completely wrong. Shut the whole thing down as soon as he found out."

"Let me get this straight. You took party advice from a member of fight club?"

"I needed a new venue!"

"Dammit, Danny, we've talked about this! Until you're in fight club, avoid fight club."

"It was your idea to start dating one of them."

"Because I thought even those morons would have the sense to sit you down and warn you that the thing you're making out with could grow claws at any moment."

"I don't understand how they think I don't notice the claws. It's not very subtle."

"You're talking to the guy who grew scales for months."

"Ew. I keep forgetting about that."

"I don't. I moved for a reason. I kept finding them places. I'm _still_ finding them places, and I'm on another continent!"

"And there is information I didn't need. _Point is_: not only did Derek shut my party down, but someone brought hallucinogens. You'd think it would be exciting enough to change into a werewolf without needing to take drugs on the side!"

"You don't mean it was fight club who was on drugs?"

"Yeah - oh. Oh no. They couldn't wait to do their werewolf thing until _after_ my party?"

"They're not known for their sense of timing. Remember homecoming?"

"As if anyone could forget. Or fail to notice fight club because of it."

-x-

"So… Coach got shot."

"_What the hell?_ What is going _on_ over there?"

"You tell me! I don't know anymore. I don't know! We were on our cross-country run and he got shot. In the stomach. With an arrow."

"Uh, that's not a fight club thing. That's a people-who-fight-fight-club thing. But usually they don't shoot anyone aside from werewolves."

"Coach… isn't a werewolf, is he?"

"Not since I last heard. Okay, roll call."

"McCall: Hasn't been in school for weeks. I've written three essays on his behalf. They've all been about werewolves; he hasn't noticed."

"Okay. Next."

"Stilinski: Yeah, actually, I have no idea. I wrote a science report for him before Halloween. He looked so stressed-out that I felt bad charging him for it. That's when he showed up at my party, left in a hurry, went missing for a week, showed up again right before Coach got shot, and then I _think_ his dad put him in a mental hospital?"

"I've been calling it for years. Stilinski confirmed for insane. Next?"

"Martin - but you're talking to her every other night, so you already know how she's holding up. Argent: Two essays, also about werewolves. No comment from her, either. But she is definitely with Isaac Lahey now, who I think is also part of fight club. I mean, he suddenly started wearing leather jackets a few months back, even though we live in California and it was nowhere near cold enough outside to justify that. Another two werewolf essays for him."

"How many essays can you write on werewolves?"

"I live in a town that's full of them, so plenty. Plenty of essays, plenty of cash. Right. The twins, next: They keep appearing and disappearing and I don't even know if they're living in town anymore or just commuting, and I don't even know if I'm still dating Ethan or not? I mean, one of them was kissing me right before Coach got shot, but I honestly don't even know if it was the right one - don't tell anyone I said that. He just kind of lunged at me out of nowhere. It was very sudden. Whichever one it was, I'm pretty sure he's never going to let me into fight club."

"Cut to the chase: is anybody dead yet?"

"Well, Greenberg almost got blown up."

"Almost? Damn."

"Just because you don't live here anymore doesn't mean it's okay for my classmates to keep dying!"

"I'm just saying. Dude shoulda been killed off semesters ago. Anyways - next?"

"Derek Hale, I think? I have no idea, actually. He might not even live here anymore. He stopped lurking around the - ooooh hang on, I saw him lurking in the math hallway. I think he was looking for the new girl."

"New girl?"

"I think she's dating McCall? She doesn't talk much. …Oh. She was wearing leather. She's part of fight club, too, isn't she. How come _she's_ already a part of fight club and I'm still on the outside?"

"Question I might regret asking, but have _you_ tried dating McCall?"

"No, but I offered to sleep with Stilinski once. Back when everybody was getting murdered, he was talking like that'd protect him."

"Wow. And it took them this long to realize he's insane."

-x-

"So… Allison's moving."

"Actually?"

Yeah. Middle of the semester and everything. Not that it matters - she hasn't been coming to class, either. And Lydia started doing _her_ homework, so I'm not even making any money off her anymore."

"But actually moving?"

"Yeah, I saw her off at the airport. I guess some big thing went down at Eichon House the other night and she got pretty badly hurt. Her dad decided enough was enough and arranged for her to live with some relatives in France."

"France? Wow."

"Maybe you could see her sometime."

"I guess it depends on if her relatives are the fight-club kind or the people-who-fight-fight-club kind. Because I'd prefer not to be shot full of wolfsbane."

"Preaching to the choir, Jackson. Not only was I poisoned, but I once had to spend an entire night in a motel while every single one of my classmates got high off the stuff."

"Right, I keep forgetting about that. Speaking of near-death experiences, anybody try to kill you lately?"

"Not since last week, but a mentally disturbed individual showed up in class the other day."

"Oh, awesome. Stilinski's back in action. That's exactly what we all need. The day is saved."

"Well, last I heard he broke out of the hospital, but I wasn't talking about him. It was just a random girl I've never seen before. Oh! Also, Coach tased a mental health professional."

"Coach? Wasn't he shot?"

"Yup. Recovered really fast, too. I thought he was part of fight club for a minute there, but then he spent half the class complaining about the costs of health care in this country, so I guess not. I think he's considering a move to Canada. ...To hell with it: maybe it's time I moved away, too."

"Trust me: It's a lot safer everywhere else. You're always welcome to join me in London!"

"I'm seriously considering taking you up on that offer. This whole town has gone to the dogs."

"That's what I always say."

"Because it's actually true. As in literal dogs. You _did _get that was a pun, right? Oh, and apparently there's coyotes now? Or maybe a fox. I think the fox is evil. Or not. They seemed confused. There might be more than one fox. When nobody's actually showing up for class, it's a lot harder to overhear them loudly talking about fight club business."

"Please tell me they're not opening a petting zoo."

"I'd almost prefer it."

"Free admission for anyone who gets bitten while visiting on a full moon?"

"That's it. I'm _definitely_ moving."

-x-

**Author's Note:**

What are you talking about? Allison is just fine. She graduated hunter training, so now she's living in France with her people-who-fight-fight-club relatives because somebody's gotta whip that branch of her family into shape, right? Right.


	2. Chapter 2

[SPOILERS FOR 3B FINALE]

-x-

"_I can't do this." _

"_Can't do what? Date me?" _

"_...Date a werewolf." _

"_You knew!?"_

"_Dude. This is Beacon Hills." _

-x-

"I can't tell if you look upset or relieved today. Did Coach actually move to Canada?"

"Hm? No."

"Did they finally kill off Greenberg?"

"No, Jared's fine…"

"How about Stilinski?"

"I think he's back in school?"

"You're not helping me at all, here."

"I…Uh, I think I just joined fight club."

"Oh. Wow. You're not a werewolf now, are you? I told you not to go outside! I told you to learn from my mistakes!"

"First: That's stupid advice. Second: No, I'm still human. But I broke up with Ethan."

"And that convinced him to finally let you into fight club? I think I missed something here."

"No. I just told him I couldn't date a werewolf."

"Ah."

"Yeah."

"Huh."

"Yeah."

"Ah. How -"

"I think he took it well."

"He didn't kill you, so I'd agree… Oh. Are you expecting consolation on the breakup? Because I tell you every time that I'm terrible with that sort of thing. Mostly because I don't care."

"I didn't expect you to."

"Okay, good. Talk to you next week?"

"Yeah. Uh - try not to fall off Big Ben, okay?"

"Hey - that was _one time."_

-x-

**Author's Note:**

WE CALLED IT. WE. CALLED. IT.

-mic drop-


End file.
